Friday, July 18, 2014

 credit: Brook Andreoli
.... i have been gifted
with friends
who have amazing talents
such as capturing

some days
what i wouldn't give to lay here
and read. 
just. read.

in a lovely summer dress
my mike unmoving by my side
the children
softly in the distance
conversing - joyfully

only the sound of the rustling leaves
to calm my thoughts
and still my restlessness

“My life feels like a book left out on the porch, and the wind blows the pages faster and faster, turning always toward a new chapter faster than I can stop to read it.” 
― Nancy E. TurnerThese Is My Words

school begins on Monday.

chaos will ensue.
but somehow
they will be
leaving me wanting ..... 

waiting for their rushed voices
their anxious approach
to return home
stilling my restless heart.

at this moment
while my plans are on pause
these children of mine
my purpose
my happiness
my life

Monday, June 9, 2014

& on to the next thing

....Richard G. Scott

20 years ago we were playing with a fussy baby
ignorant of the pending future awaiting us

needless to say
we were immature 
--- extremely naive ---
in our parental knowledge and what would lie ahead

after years of seemingly prolonged medical stepping stones
we have suddenly found ourselves thrust onto a fast moving train

today we got the test results

with out going into detail
what we thought/ what previous physicians had supposed
was not.

what decisions we make 
will impact this one child's life
for ever.

all i keep falling back to
is the path that led us back here.
the people that have been put on our path
that have become more than family
they have become a beacon of hope and light
they have helped strengthen my faith
they have buoyed me up
at times when
my inner soul has begun to sink into despair

medical technology is extraordinary!
our team here is phenomenal
they are cautious
they are honest
more importantly
they are understanding

the question remains 
for me
for mike
for David
do we have the faith
the will
the knowledge
to hop on that awaiting train
and thrust forward
that things can get really 
changing our family for 

life as we know it
will cease
& my son's brain
and daily function
will be reborn.

last month he was set apart as a Service Missionary
it was done in a very informal manner
yet the experience was ceremonial for him
& that is what matters right now in this period of his life.
i often, especially as of late, take photos
then come to the realization that
A: i am aging at a rapid pace
B: that outfit was way cuter in the mirror than in this photo
C: time for new hair
D: i'm very short.......

other important factors in our decision making process
are our 2 younger ones
who continue on
but have been a great support
living in the unknown
but knowing that something will change
are a blessing in our lives
 i don't know if i posted prom
but here is prom for this gal & her friend Zack
 they were darling
it was fun for her to go with a friend
they had an amazing time together
and she looked gorgeous!

 (happy mom moment... she even let me fix her make-up.  she hates make-up... i may have been super excited)


and our little guy
he is 
a firecracker!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Sunday i may have had a bit of a panic episode.
we would be heading back to the hospital
for an unknown amount of time
not more than a week
not less than 2 days.

memories of spending most my life
in hospital 
with this guy came flooding back
making me anxious
remembering the prison walls that held us close

this time hasn't been too bad
much easier than chasing around a toddler
pulling around a pole taller than I
with hanging bags of poisonous meds 
leaking into his body

more like a 40 ft. long chord
attached to probes
cemented to his scalp
under a fancy white gauze cap.
he looks.... well.  
not comfy.

day one thru 3
Dave was able to have full access to all things electronic

it worked like a charm....

9 seizures by the end of day 3.

along the way 
we had a PET test
 this cute girl took us down
 this chatty lady was the sweetest technician ever
and kept reminding me that now was my chance
to get some good photos
to use as collateral some day...

we did a lot of reading
& watching DVD's
(even tho the hospital had movies like (hot) Thor and (smoking) Superman
streaming all day long....  apparently the studs of Mythbusters are more entertaining to watch.
(or not.....)

June 4th 
was this guys #20
in hospital of course

my sweet friend Michelle 
& her awesome guy Austin
brought David a balloon bouquet 
along w/ 2 GIANT chocolate bars

and later that night
after hours of 
Neuro Psych testing

uncle Brent
Grandma & Papa
along w/
Syd & Pudge
came to celebrate the big day...
of which I have never seen my guy
not excited about a birthday.
this has been an odd birthday
to say the least...

Mike & i even searched high and low
for a simple cheese cake...
he wanted nothing to do with it.

after they partay
david perked up enough to complete his
neuro psych testing hw
while i roamed the room 
taking photos for entertainment

 the "eye in the sky"
tapes his every move
and every word/noise
.... he's a star!

my hero Mike was able to stay every night
but last
so i camped out on the couch/bed
woke up super early to get this day going
............. and then ............
the day didn't get going
nor did the MRI happen as schedule
nor did the doc come in early

so the mood went from excited
to aggrivation
to --- frustration
to --- utter giving in
in the matter of 20 minutes.
especially when the nurse came in 
letting us know that the MRI had been moved to 4
instead of early in the am..... 

so after i forced David to have 
AT LEAST a bowl of cereal

i ate a small bag of cereal from home
downed my excedrine/motrin combo
heart burn meds
and ate this for my breakfast 
because ....  
i wanted to do something wild.

poor dave.
he is down and quiet today.
even the nurse said, 
"he's REALLY quiet.  is he ok?  he is always like this?"

...... uh.  no. 
not in the slightest.

here's to hoping.
hoping to go home.
even if it's dark out.
for dave.
and the family.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

you & me are more than friends... we're like a small gang:

these 2 gems came to me
"photo shoot time!"

I gently reminded them
"i am NOT a photographer"

that didn't matter


the main purpose of this trip
Syd + Jo = MORP w/other gender BFF
our shyness came out....
& posing didn't come as natural
however... w/ my spectacular photography skills
I DID manage to get my dear friend Marja & her guy in EVERY photo...
cuz that's how good I am!
so while all the coy-ness & shy-ness was coming about
@ least on the female end...
these 2 boys?
they were pure entertainment
I loved being around these kiddos....
miss daughter?
her thoughts?

Mom... go away
Mom... stop taking pics.
Mom... he's my bff.... so, stop. it. now.
this daughter o mine
has amazing friends
from different back grounds
different "cliques"
different states
different styles
she amazes me with her determination to LOVE someone for the inside
not the outside
tho these kids...
pretty freaking adorable if you ask me.