Thursday, December 26, 2013

figuring out....

me... @ 1 in the a.m.
Christmas day next.....
ok... goofing around w/ the computers camera
(My. Mike now has about 5 photos of me because I kept taking them, wondering why they weren't recording on the computer....  they were.  You should see them... or not.....)

a little while ago
I made the decision to shut down my blog

not by any means of making a statement of any kind
nor for any other reason than:

I didn't understand me
and the me I knew & am trying to reinvent again
is quite boring.... if I may say so myself.

so for the sake of my sister & a couple of others 
who felt a tiny bit offended that I blocked them out of my online life
I've unblocked you.
(besides....  putting photos on here makes it much easier for me to remember why I took pictures here and there, 
and when these events took place)

Mike & I went last minute holiday shopping the other day
then enjoyed a yummy lunch @ a mom & pop hole in the wall
where we chatted about 
being that:
He's in his own little heaven
living the life he's been missing for years
while I'm in the outer darkness zone...
just going through the day to day basics of life
not yet finding my niche 

so while we sat in our booth
I let loose my emotions
in.  the.  middle.  of.  a.  restaurant.  (ugh.  dislike.)
as I blubbered through all the napkins on our table
(blubber blubber blub)
my hero of a man listened to my pouting
& tho he doesn't agree/understand some of my spiritual or rational thoughts
(a little irrational to him)
he listening intently - empathizing w/ me ...
for he had lived over 6 years in the same dark pit that I was falling into.

my Mike
is in his personal semi-heaven
(his REAL heaven would be living in a foreign country w/ a high paying job 
where traveling by train to other cultures would be on the daily menu)

while I
sit & stew a little bit over my current unadventurous life.
not that it's a bad life, 
It's just become a mindless, thinkless, going from here to there type of life.

I have been accepted into ASU
but then am reminded by crowds around me of the high expense
which of course causes me to second guess everything I was so sure about.

then comparisons creep in.
of those who I will never become like
and the mountains I need to climb to get done with school
before I'm gray and using bifocals while living off of 
gas x, pain killers, & other drugs prolong the value of a young life.
(do excedrine & motrin count?)

then I found this on my friend's blog:
(thanks Brook)

& figured.  I'd try something new....
to get my brain working every day.

I'm trying.
or will... 
just as soon as Christmas is cleaned up and put away.


  1. I didn't even know you started doing your blog again..........

    I love you.

  2. Hey babe! well... it's not "doing" that I'm doing... more like once in a whiling that I'm doing.
    <3 U.